Dear Deathbook
by ignore common sense
Summary: Ever since her eighth birthday Isabella Swan has been keeping a journal named deathbook. She's emotionally sensitive and socially awkward, the toll from growing up in a dysfunctional family. Can a brooding stranger changer her and her views on life? OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Dear Deathbook is an idea that has been in my mind for quite a while, even before I found the fandom. I had said that I would be starting a new story called Finding Home, but I'm too stuck on this idea to let it go. So, I've decided to alternate between stories. I'll focus on this for a few days, and then Finding Home, which hasn't been published yet (I was working on the first chapter and then decided to write). This story will be written in 3****rd**** person. It's more a more comfortable format for me to write in. I have a feeling that this story will be better than my other story, Lost but Never Found. That was my first fanfic, so give me a break. There is another one-shot I have out called How to Save a Life that's well, okay. My only work that I actually like is a one-shot I published yesterday called Is love Ever Enough. I would appreciate it if you read it and told me what you think.**

**WARNING: this story is dark and there might be a few lemons scattered here and there.**

**READ ON**

_Dear Deathbook,_

_What is death? Will I feel anything when I'm dead? Or, will I already be dead before I feel anything? Is it emptiness? Nothingness? I have pondered over this question for quite a while and I wish you would tell me the answer. Death is something that greatly confuses me. I'm guessing that the closest thing to death is being asleep, except for when you have dreams. Hmm… then I'm guessing that when you're dead you don't really _feel _anything, because you can't feel at all. It seems like you just go to sleep and never wake up. Being dead sounds pretty crappy, if you ask me. _

_Sorry I can't write a longer entry. I have to go to work. Tanya the Turd wants me to come earlier today._

Bella Swan sighed as she put down her pen. For over ten years she had been writing in her deathbook. In the horrors of high-school she would hide in the library, writing all her fears out in her deathbook. Even in elementary school she would sit at the end of the table during lunch and write. She never really knew why she called it that. It just seemed like a fitting name to her. Deathbook- it sounded haunting sad and devilish at the same time.

Bella knew that she would kill her-self one day. Somehow her deathbook tied into all of this. That's part of the reason it got its name.

At the mere age of eight she began writing. Growing up in a dysfunctional family had taken a toll on her and she needed to vent out her feelings. It had all started on her eight birthday when Charlie bought her a notebook as a gift.

"_Daddy! Daddy!" yelled a tiny Bella. "What did you get me?"_

_It was her eight birthday and Bella was happy to be growing up. She wanted to be beautiful like all of the girls on TV and in magazines. _

"_Calm down, squirt. I've got your present." Charlie chuckled at his daughter's behavior. _

_Bella scowled. She hated the_ _nickname squirt. It made her feel like a baby. Her scowl disappeared when Charlie pulled out a thin box wrapped in bright green paper. Excited, Bella squealed and hugged her daddy's legs."What is it? What is it?"_

_He handed her the present and let her rip the paper to shreds. The green paper littered the floor._

"_Daddy, what is this?" Bella said, confused._

"_It's a notebook for you to write in. You can tell it all you're secrets and not have to worry about them being shared," he said._

"_Thanks, Daddy!" she squealed, hugging her father's legs again._

Ever since then she wrote in it almost every day. Her entries could be nonsensical or very serious, depending what happened at school.

Bella had cherished the notebook, being the only present she got that day. Later, though, Charlie found Renee in the kitchen drinking. The night of Bella's birthday ended with two screaming voices and Bella hiding in her room, hands over her ears. She wrote in her now named deathbook that night. She talked about how much she wished mommy and daddy wouldn't fight. She wished that her 10 year old brother Emmett was there. He had been sent off to boarding school when he was 8 and only got to visit during Christmas.

The fight on the night of Bella's birthday hadn't changed anything. Renee would still drink and whore around. Charlie, whom had got tired of his wife, left. He just packed up his bags without saying any goodbyes, without tell anyone what was going on.

Renee, of course, didn't notice that he was gone until a few years later. Bella noticed, though. Emmet didn't know, but that was because he wasn't home. It was only during that winter break that he noticed. Bella's Christmas was spent with her brother playing checkers. Her mom wasn't home. She said she had to visit a friend.

Bella never knew why she never fought with her brother. Siblings who were so close in age (2years apart) usually fought. It was probably because she wanted to cherish the time with her brother instead of screaming at him.

During her middle school years Bella would write in her Deathbook and hide from the cheerleaders. It was the same during elementary school. Most of the teachers took her behavior as 'hostile' and deemed her behavior 'abnormal'.

Her mother didn't care, though. She was rarely at home anyways. There were a few moments that she had with her mom, like both of them were best friends. Her mom had been trying to get close to her and she fell for it. Renee used Bella for money and pleasure.

"_Mommy? Why did daddy leave?" asked a now 9 and a half year old Bella._

_Renee began running her fingers through her daughter's hair. She sighed, but it was all an act to her, "I don't know, honey."_

"_Did daddy not love me?" she asked, not really wanting to know the answer._

"_No, sweet, but don't worry. I love you."_

_Renee was smirking inwardly. Her hand began to slowly inch up young Bella's thigh._

_She squirmed in her mom's lap. "Mommy! Stop it!"_

_Renee didn't listen, though, she continued to slowly bring her hand up higher and higher. Now she was smirking outwardly, now. Bella could smell alcohol in her breath. She panicked and tried harder to escape her mom's grip._

-X-

"Bella, get back to work!" screeched Tanya the Turd. Her real name was Tanya Denali, but she called her Tanya the Turd. Bella couldn't think of another mean name that started with T.

Bella groaned as she got up. Her working outfit was covered in soap. She scurried to the closet to find a towel. Tonight she was serving, so she couldn't handle looking improper. Bella desperately needed the tips.

She worked as a waitress at a famous place called, _La Bella Italia_. It was now owned by Tanya Denali who didn't know a thing about business. She was dumber than a doornail. The only reason _La Bella Italia _survived was because of the hard work of Tanya's assistant, Angela, who never got any credit.

It had taken a while to clean up the mess, but she finished before _La Bella Italia _opened up. Before the doors opened Bella prayed that she wouldn't screw up. It was Saturday, a big night. It was especially big today because Bella overheard that there was going to be a huge business meeting. Judging by the look on Tanya the Turd's face while she talked, she seemed to have a little crush on one of the men.

Everyone stared as the men in black suits walked into the place. _La Bella Italia _was meant for high-class customers, so it was surprising when even the snobbiest people looked their way, gaping.

They went to table 14. My table, Bella thought in surprise. Ohhh, please don't screw up, she thought desperately.

Tanya the Turd was standing at the front, greeting guests as they came in. She looked at Bella expectantly, daring her to fuck up.

**So…… what did you think? Hit or miss? I make the first chapter for every story I write short. It's to see if you want me to continue.**

**Please review. I want to continue this story, but I also want people to read it and actually like it.**

**I have an idea for a one-shot and I want to know what you think. While I was eating lunch with my brother I was watching World's Strictest Parents, and it got me thinking. What if Edward got sent to Forks, Washington, and it was Charlie and Renee's job to turn him around? He then meets their innocent daughter Bella, and can't help but falling in love and wanting to corrupt her.**

**I might just start writing it anyways, but the title and summary are not decided. When you review tell me what you think. **

**REVIEW (I LOVE YOU)**

**I ate Ramen noodles for lunch today. Do you like Ramen noodles? What did you eat for lunch today?**

**I was just on fanfiction and noticed another story by the name of Dear Deathbook. I DID NOT copy it. I swear that this idea was mine. That story was published before mine and I understand that the two may look very similar. I am currently trying to send a message to the author to tell her that I didn't copy her story. I hope you all understand that.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I know I said I'd do Finding Home and then update Dear Deathbook. I couldn't because I had a tiny writers block. And now I want to work on this chapter before starting a new one.**

**I published a new one-shot called Freeing the Swan. I hope you all like it and would review on it. I write one-shots to kind of test my writing to see if you'll like it. So please read it and review it.**

…**.. and no one answered my question. Only two people reviewed, though, so that kind of explains it. I've been added to many favorites, and those people who add me don't review. I really want you to review so I know whether to continue or not. I might stop if no one likes my writing. **

**READ ON**

-X-

She sighed and walked over to her table, looking at the floor, being careful not to trip. Bella could feel the stares of the men scorching her skin. She continued looking down, though, afraid to meet their gaze.

"Hello, I'm Bella and I'll be your server for the evening." She hoped that they didn't notice how her voice was quivering. "I'll give you time to decide your drinks." None of them said anything. They just looked back at their menus, acting like she hadn't said anything at all.

Bella scurried off to the bathroom, hands shaking. She splashed her face with water. _It's okay, Bella. It's only a group of men. Group of men, _she thought, becoming even more scared by the second.

After a few minutes of the mental cheering and a pity party that she desperately needed, Bella headed out back to the table, still looking down, trying to see if the floor had any flaws that she needed to clean.

"Uh… have you decided what you want yet?" Bella asked.

A striking man who seemed like the boss looked up at her with dazzling green eyes. "Yes. We want three apple martinis, two beers, five red wines, and one water with no ice." _Oh, that voice. That velvety voice, _Bella thought.

Bella never got time to examine this specimen's face, so when she looked up from her paper she gasped. He was looking smug, as if he knew what she was thinking. He knew that she was dazzled by him. For a moment his eyes stared at her and she stared back, but Bella quickly broke their connection, feeling scared and nervous. He frowned, wanting to keep their contact. When they looked at her it seemed as if a bond was pulling them together. The area between them was humming with restless energy.

"Uh…. I'll have those in a few minutes…. Uh… sir." Bella scurried off again, hands shaking even more this time.

She brought the drinks stumbling only once. The green-eyed stranger continued to glare at her, making her even more nervous.

"Are-are you ready order?" she asked while tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, nervously looking at her notepad. She wrote down each order, fumbling with her pen the whole time.

"Okay," she said. "Your order will be here in about 20 minutes."

She didn't wait to see if they had heard her. She was already gone, ready to place the order.

Bella balanced the plates on her hands. There was no one to help her serve. Compared to her petite size, the plates looked huge. Well, she was serving eleven grown up men.

"Here you go," Bella said dishing out the food to every man.

She was about to hand the green-eyed man when he met her with his intense gaze. She fumbled and dropped the plate right into his lap. He shouted, definitely burned by the hot dish.

"Oh my god! S- Sorry sir!" she exclaimed trying to wipe the pasta off his expensive looking suit.

He hissed as the napkin made contact with his skin. Hastily, he pushed her hand away, and looked for another napkin. "No, it's okay. I got it."

Tanya, having heard the big commotion, walked over glaring at Bella the whole way. "Mr. Cullen! I apologize for my employee's bad behavior." She shot Bella a look. "Isabella, your fired!"

"No, Ms. Denali. I'm sorry." Bella protested.

"Do you think that changes anything!" she screeched. "You just dropped a dish on one of the wealthiest bachelors out there!"

Bella cringed away from Tanya with tear streaming down her face. _Don't hit me, _she thought. By now everyone was staring at them. Tanya, having seemed to just notice, smoothed her dress and hissed, "Isabella, leave. I'll mail your last paycheck to you."

Both of them were outside now. Tanya had grabbed her arm and dragged out of _La Bella Italia_. There were too many watchful eyes inside and Ms. Denali didn't want bad business.

The sky was pitch black, with a few twinkling stars scattered here and there. It was a beautiful scene and Bella wished that she could enjoy it.

She turned around, head down and shoulders slumped. "Yes Ms. Denali." As Bella prepared to walk out with the bit of dignity she had remaining, she heard a voice call out, "No, wait! It was my fault."

Tanya seemed just as dazzled as Bella was the first time she looked at the man. After being momentarily stunned Tanya shook her head and said, "Mr. Cullen, it was her mistake. I can't let her get away with showing so much of disrespect to a customer."

Mr. Cullen, seeming to have noticed he lost the battle, slumped down in defeat. Somehow he felt guilty. Like this beautiful girl didn't deserve this. He felt strangely protective of her. It was a feeling he loved and hated at the same time. He shook his head, trying to remove those strange thoughts.

Bella looked at the strange man, debating whether to say thank you or not. To say she was scared of him would be an understatement. He intimidated her with his expecting gaze. His green eyes almost burned holes through her.

"Well…. Uh… I-I would like to say thank-you for-for trying to help me." Bella rushed off, hailing a cab. Right now she just wanted to write in her Deathbook and go to sleep. Tomorrow she would look for a job.

**Sorry! I know that that chapter was really short and I apologize. I'm one of those people who can't make a chapter keep on going. The story kind of writes itself and I couldn't figure out how to make it longer. Oh GOD! I got another idea for a story. To see the promo thingy for it at the end scroll down. I probably won't start that until I finish Dear Deathbook and Finding home. I just want to know what you think of it. **

**Please read my one-shots and tell me what you think of them. The one I really recommend is **_**Is Love Ever Enough**_**. That is one of my favorites. I do have a one-shot called Freeing the Swan that is currently being rewritten. I noticed that I had a lot of mistakes.**

**Okay! Here's the promo thing I had for a new story. (the title is undecided)**

**After releasing a hit single with the band Breaking Dawn, Bella Swan finds herself in a fake relationship with their lead singer Edward Cullen. It's hard to pretend you like someone… especially when they get on your nerves. Besides, it's only a fake thing… right?**

**Tell me what you think of my idea!**

**REVIEW (I LOVE YOU)**


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